Playdoh

Playdoh

Jeremiah 18:4 "But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him."

I had an opportunity 2 weeks ago to take a really good look at what condition my heart was in, not only now but in the past. I know my testimony, I have given it several times, and I could give it a million more without even thinking about it. But something was different this time around. I really prayed and sought God's perspective on it. I realized, maybe for the first time, that some of my mistakes that I continually have blamed others for were actually choices that rested squarely on my shoulders alone. Sure, I may have been influenced in one way or the other, but when it came down to it, it was my choices that landed me in the pits that became home for as long as I kept digging them.

God began to reveal to me that there were 3 different stages that my heart went through. During my high school years, I was a sand hearted rebel. I did whatever I wanted, making choices that were a byproduct of a very prideful heart. I knew who God was, but I had never yet chosen to walk with Him, nor make Him my savior. This lead to years of choices that I am still paying for today. Pits that have lasting effects that I battle daily to stay out of. Regrets are usually always a part of this heart condition, and I have plenty of them.

The second stage that He revealed to me was the stage where my heart was instantly turned to stone. This happened almost immediately after I became a Christian. Instead of seeking out a relationship, I tried hard to follow what I thought a Christian was supposed to look like. A human perspective that caused me to build very thick walls around my heart. Even as I was saying that I was choosing God, a part of me was choosing a religion rather than a relationship. Although this has not handed me near as many regrets, it has been the hardest to get out of. You have to understand, that even though I was living as a Christian, I was still not allowing my heart to be molded by HIM.

One day though…Christ picked up a chisel!
 

I don't know why…but I am telling you that when I sit and think about that moment it drops me so fast and has me praising so loud. As I am sitting here typing, I have this feeling in my stomach that is just screaming, "why me?"!

This, of course, leads me to my most recent stage that my heart is in. This is where my little analogy comes into play…

Have you ever seen a little kid play with playdoh? My kids love to get every single color out, and build huge elaborate things all over my table. They twist and turn it. They shape it into chicken nuggets, houses, trees, birds, baby dolls, etc. The list is endless to what they have made. It is fun…as long as they keep it in the house. The problem starts when one of them decides to play with it in the stones. You can imagine what is going to happen next can't you? Without fail, as soon as they would take it outside it would "accidently" fall out of their hands into a pile of stones. It isn't the kind of stone that is so huge that it wouldn't stick, it is the type that is really little and not only sticks, but embeds into the playdoh. Tears start flowing as they come find me, hoping that I can fix it. In my mind, I am thinking, no way…might as well pitch it. But as I take a look at their streaked faces, I know that I have to try. So I start picking each piece out one by one. It is pretty easy to get the ones that are visible. I think that I am finished about 20 times, before I feel another one just under the surface. It's the ones that are embedded into the playdoh that are hard to get rid of. To be able to get every single one, I have to constantly massage through it, sometimes ripping it apart and putting it back together again. It is like finding a prize when one begins to surface so that I can get rid of it.

This sums up the stage my heart is in now. It is just like this ball of playdoh that has been dropped in the stones. I wish that I could be the piece that never came outside, but it is too late for that. I chose to leave the house a long time ago. But as I dropped my heart over and over again into the rocks, and covered it with stone chips, embedding them deep inside, I realized that all it took was for me to come running to my FATHER with tears streaking down my face and hands wide open for Him to pick up my mess and start fixing it. It has taken me being ripped apart and stuck back together, it has taken me allowing Him to continually shape and form, massaging out all of the little stone that are hidden. I know that my heart may never be removed of all the pieces that are either left behind from my sand days, or are fragments of my stone walls. It is sad for me to think that I messed up so badly at times! But one thing I do know…God is NOT giving up on me! He will never look at my heart and say "it's too messy". He continually is finding pieces that He wants to mold into His masterpiece. I am at the point, where I don't ever want to take it back and drop it again. So I stand beside Him with expectancy in my face, and hope in my heart that one day, every piece of stone will be removed and I will be exactly the way He wants me to be. But in the mean time, I will leave my hands wide open to Him and keep my heart in full surrender to the only one that can make me whole again!

Psalm 139:23-24  "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Heaven is closing in, every day we are just one step closer. If that is your goal, if that is your end destination, I want to leave you with one question. Do you want to give God a heart filled with rocks, or are you going to give Him control right now of your playdoh mess? Let me assure you that you are never the one with too many rocks, or too big of a mess. Don't let the enemy tell you that you can't be fixed! God is patient, full of grace, promising never to leave us. He will pick out every single rock as long as you willing let Him! Trust me…if He can fix me, He can fix you! Don't give up…the fun is just beginning!